Scarlet and Fluffer.

Words: Spray bottle, mouse hole, pubic hair

Making a living is part of everyday life for all of us. We wake up every morning; we shower, have breakfast and go to work to make a living. The sound of the door closing, the ignition of the car and the car driving away is the last thing you hear. Everything is quiet in the house… so you’d like to think. A faint and distant sound can be heard. There was a buzzing noise of an alarm going off. Just when you thought that the house was empty, there was something else that needed to get ready to go to work.

Past the living room, making a left into the hallway past the family picture taken during a Christmas getaway was a four-panel closet. Inside this closet were jackets, scarves and boxes filled with everything you can imagine, but going past these things is a wall. If you follow this wall down to the floor, you will reach a tiny mouse hole that can only be described as a door into another world.

Scarlet had just woken up. She was a white-furred mouse with intriguing pink eyes. Scarlet was an aspiring hairdresser at the notorious hair salon called the Pubic Hair. If you’re a mouse, you got your hair cut at the Pubic Hair. If Mickey Mouse had hair and wasn’t the size of the Statue of Liberty, he would get his haircut here.

Scarlet arrived at work. The typical crowd was present including Fluffer. Fluffer was the house cat. She was the storm on a sunny day; the cause for the hair on their backs to rise. I guess it was nature for Scarlet and Fluffer to not get along considering their stereotypical scenario. Scarlet didn’t think much of Fluffer and ignored her most of the time. However, today was different.

Fluffer was on a rampage. She was running all over the place; terrorizing all the customers at the salon. The crowd at the Pubic Hair was growing irritated; all but Scarlet. Scarlet had a curious look on her face and the more she stood there, the more she was inclined to get closer to the opening of the mouse hole.

She stuck her tiny little mouse head to take a peek outside. She figured that this was not the norm and that although Fluffer was a cat, this was not her usual behavior. To her surprise, she saw that Fluffer had gotten something stuck in her eye. It must have been to small for her paws to brush away ,which explains her odd display of aggression. Being quick on her toes, Scarlet ran to her station to grab her spray bottle and headed back to the mouse hole.

She slowly stepped outside showing the crowd caution and stood face to face with Fluffer. Seeing this tiny mouse in front of her, Fluffer came to a halt and stood still. Fluffer didn’t know what to think of it. Scarlet took a step forward. Then another. One foot after the other, she slowly got closer and closer. Hands up in the air, spray bottle clearly visible, she showed no threat to Fluffer. Fluffer feeling safe and exhausted, she laid down on its belly showing distress. Fluffer was in tremendous pain.

Scarlet was now face to face with Fluffer. You could feel every mouse inside the hole staring, eyes focused on Scarlet and Fluffer. With hands still up in the air, bottle facing forward, she snuck a quick squeeze of the bottle spraying water into Fluffer’s eyes. Surprised, Fluffer jumped back. The crowd instantly froze and you can hear every breath stop. Some had already said their goodbye’s to Scarlet in their hearts.

Scarlet was still standing in the middle of the room vulnerable to attacks from any direction, but nothing came. Fluffer stood still staring at Scarlet. She was staring with both eyes open and was no longer in pain. Scarlet had washed away whatever was in Fluffer’s eye and she was no longer in pain. Fluffer leaped at Scarlet and some in the crowd instantly fainted. They expected the worse, but the worse never arrived. Fluffer had leaped at Scarlet to hug her and show her how much she appreciated her help. The crowd blew a sigh of relief that the mayhem was over.

The Pubic Hair was once again back to its normal routine and atmosphere. Scarlet was cutting hair and was well-known among all mice in the neighborhood. She is still the top hairstylist at her salon with the biggest clientele around. Literally. Since that day, Scarlet has been giving Fluffer haircuts and to this day are still friends.

5, 4, 3, 2....1!!

oompa lumpa / strip club / football helmet

As a high end, well known party planner, Jamie was just informed that she had to throw 2011 New Year's Eve party for one of the richest male pornstars in the city, Hugo.  New York is already filled with so much diversity, so many different types of parties - from cults to sex themed ones, you name it.  Her only instructions for this party was to go all out, do something different and unexpected, and have no boundaries planning it.  For a party planner this was a dream come true!

What to do, what to do?  Strippers, eating sushi off naked women, bondage, having famous people show up to perform, musicals - it's all been done.  Jamie's reputation was on the line.  This was gonna be the party of the year and the guestlist included the most rich and famous - and horny.  Jamie called her good friend, Trey, to help her think of ideas.  Trey told her to meet him at the strip club he was already at.  When Jamie walked into Cheetah's she found Trey in the back corner getting a lap dance.  As Jamie made her way toward Trey she noticed other men getting lap dances but they were more focused on the football game playing on TV.  All of a sudden Jamie had an idea and started making phone calls while she let Trey enjoy his dance.

As Hugo's limousine pulled up to the mansion, there was bumpin' music coming from inside.  Many guests were already arriving and you can tell the energy was high.  All the guests received an invitation advising to wear swimsuits.  The mansion was known for having a huge tiled indoor pool.  When you walked into the mansion all you saw were strippers & pornstars - both men & women - walking around in nothing but football shoulder pads and a mouth guard.  The womens' breasts were bouncing with each step just as the mens' cocks were swaying back and worth with each step as they all served appetizers and drinks.  It was a beautiful and sexual sight.  Automatically the guests were aroused with all the eye candy and genitalia so exposed. 

Most of the decor seemed to be football affiliated.  There were even some nude girls doing handstands on each side of the room with their legs bent at the knees wide open as is to imitate a football goal post.  Every 10 seconds, an orange oompa lumpa dropped down from the ceiling and their huge cocks entered the girls vagina, imitating a football making a goal, then they were lifted up again.  Very creative.  Hugo was actually getting turned on, and it usually takes something extreme to pull that off.  Anytime the girls would have an orgasm, there would be a shot of cream liquor passed around to everybody.  At this party, everyone swallows. 

10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2....1!!!!  Instead of the usual disco ball for New Years, the humongous football helmet hanging form the ceiling burst and tons of semen oozed and popped and shot out in every direction!  Happy New Years!!!!!  All of a sudden naked orange oompa lumpas waddled towards each guest and gave them lap dances, blow jobs, or fucked them right out in the open.  It became a huge orgy.  This is what a real party is about - happiness, laughter, and fun.....as far as orgasms go.  Happy New Years and may everyone leave happy.....I mean, satisfied. 

Good times, - Francis.

Warthog, confessional booth, adult diapers.

It was a very busy morning for Jimmy Davis. Jimmy worked for a newspaper company delivering company related materials for vendors that order their paper. Getting up late due to an evening partly remembered, Jimmy managed to put on the worst possible attire you could possibly imagine. It's safe to say that at first glance he appeared to have been mangled by a warthog on the way to the office. After parading through the hallways of his crowded building, he abruptly bumped into, Francis, his coworker and occasional friend, if you consider a man who takes you out in the middle of the night to demonstrate how to pick up girls in your local bars. Jimmy looked at his friend with the most confused look. Francis had smile on his face as if he knew something that no one was supposed to know but was eager to share it with the world. He had reminded Jimmy of their late night adventures through the city and wanted to get the four one one on the hottie Jimmy was flirting with. All of a sudden Jimmy felt like he was in a confessional booth spilling his inner secrets and thoughts, but was being broadcasted to the whole world since the receiving end was not a priest but Francis. Considering all the details Jimmy gave, a lot of the night was still a blur. He could only remember up to the eighth or ninth shot of the night. Francis was receptive, his smile was far reaching from ear to ear. Jimmy just thought nothing of it. After the brief yet detailed reenactment of the almost forgotten night, Jimmy decided to move back to his quiet sanctuary, his desk. Having read through his entire day's schedule, he began to gather his materials and documents that needed to get delivered. Right as he was about to leave his desk, he got a "you've got mail" notice on his computer. Sitting back down to read it, the subject line read "the forgotten night, words could not describe." Moments passed,and Jimmy was motionless as a statue as his eyes focused on the screen in front of him. The email had no text, just an image embedded in the body. It was Jimmy sprawled across the motel floor wearing an adult diaper with the girl completely mortified. The email was signed, "good times, - Francis."

Greatest Idea Ever.

piggy bank / bus stop / kool-aid.

As I was drumming to the beat of a Lincoln Park song I suddenly had the greatest idea.  Halloween was right around the corner and since I was known as a geek in college I wanted to thrown the best Halloween party.  I ran to my ceramic piggy bank that I recall making at a Color Me Mine store for my 7th birthday.  Back then I was so into Batman that I painted it all black and added the Batman logo on his chest, of course.  As soon as I was able to take it home I dug up some old toilet paper cardboard from the trashcan and rolled them into cones to make Batman's ears and painted them black and taped it onto the piggy bank.  I still think it's super cool.  Maybe that's why they call me a geek, who knows?

As I turned Mr. Batman over and shook all the coins out and then digging for the cash, I realized I had saved a good $110 in the last few months since I blew my money on my last RPG game.  What kind of crazy party can I throw with only $110?  Since I worked at a print shop part time, I remembered a customer who had a really cool Halloween party design.  I figured I could mimic the design and replace it with my party information.  My party is gonna be so bad ass!

It was Halloween night and I was getting ready for my party.  With my $110 I bought some black-lights, a fog machine, a party bus rental, bottles of vodka, and a ton of kool-aid.  In the last week I have been hearing just about everyone talking about my party.  As my driver pulled up to the first bus stop Downtown, about 13 people hopped on paying $5 each.  They were all dressed up in costumes from tarzan to ninja turtles to average consumers.  Everyone was diggin' the party bus with only black-lights on and a fog machine in each end of the bus.  There were jello shots everywhere and people were getting tipsy fast.  As the music was blasting and Lincoln Park was creating such a hype mood, each bus stop we stopped at had a few more groups of people hopping on board.  It was getting wilder and wilder. 

The last stop we made was right by a cliff overlooking the pounding waves and you can clearly see how huge the moon was.  As the last song was playing, the bus' interior sprinklers came on.  Everyone was being splashed with kool-aid.  It was like a wet t-shirt contest but it looked like there was blood everywhere - kinda like a murder scene.  People were sticking their tongues out, people were stripping, people were howling.  No one can top this party. 

Everyone was having so much fun and my name was actually coming up in conversations as if I were a god.  So many people came to party hopping on and off at all the different bus stops we came through.  At $5 per person I made over $800!!  To think that with only $110 I was able to throw the most awesome party, redeem my name, and make over $800 in return.  I am a god.  AND--- my plan worked after all.  With this money I can buy the new RPG game set that's coming out next week and even buy a gamer keyboard and headsets with the extra money.  I am so excited to play it!

storytime.

this was a random thought that we decided to pursue:

this blog was created so that jake and i can utilize our creativeness and improve our writing skills.  plus it's just another excuse to have fun and do something new.  the way it works is we will give each other three items: a noun, a location, and anything you choose.  the other person will have to write a short story around those three items.  easy enough. 


let the games begin!!